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Pride and Prejudice (excerpt) by Jane Austen
Chapter 1: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of good pantaloons must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters. Oblivious to such an obvious fact, the gentleman is rarely aware of the enamored waif until they are alone in the study, where of course, he is pounced upon. "My dear Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?" Mr. Bennet replied that he had not. "But it is," returned she; "for Mrs. Long has just been here, and she told me all about it." Mr. Bennet made no answer. "Do not you want to know who has taken it?" cried his wife impatiently. "You want to tell me, and I have no desire to be struck by that vase you are carrying." This was invitation enough. "Why, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large pantaloons from the north of England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it that he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be in the house by the end of next week." "What is his name?" "Mr. Viking." "Is he married or single?" "Oh! single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large pantaloons; four or five pairs at a time. What a fine thing for our girls!" "How so? how can it affect them?" "My dear Mr. Bennet," replied his wife, "how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them." "Is that his design in settling here?" "Design! nonsense, how can you talk so! But it is very likely that he may hide one away in his trousers, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes." "I see no occasion for that. You and the girls may go, or you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better; for, as you are as handsome as any of them, Mr. Viking might choose to envolop you first." "My dear, you flatter me. I certainly have had my share of yellow stockings, but I do not pretend to be any thing extraordinary now. When a woman has five grown up daughters, she ought to give over thinking of her own beauty." "In such cases, a woman is usually something altogether monstrous and frightening." "But, my dear, you should show Mr. Vikingl how distorted your face has become." "It is more than I engage for, I assure you." "But consider your daughters. Only think what an occupation it would be for one of them. Sir William and Lady Lucas are determined to go, merely on that account, for in general, you know they visit no new comers. Indeed you must go, and compare the size and quality of your overalls." "You are over-scrupulous, surely. I dare say Mr. Viking will be very glad to see you; and I will send a few lines by you to assure him of my hearty consent to his marrying which ever he chuses of the girls; though I must throw in a good word for my little Lizzy." "I desire you will do no such thing. Lizzy is not a bit better than the others; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Jane, nor half so good humoured as Lydia. Besides, she doesn't even like pantaloons, no matter how big or studded they are!" "They have none of them much to recommend them," replied he; "they are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy at least will try to talk to the man...before clubbing him." "Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves." "You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least." "Ah! you do not know what I suffer." "But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young men of four pairs a year come into the neighbourhood." "It will be no use to us if twenty such should come, since you will not visit them." "Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty I will visit them all." Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour, reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three and twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. Some might say this was due to a nasty habit of wearing his pantaloons on his head, thus concealing a protruding cranial ridge and gradual hair loss. Her mind was less difficult to develope. She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented, she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married to a man of sufficient measurements; its solace was visiting and news. ...